Picking Up the Pace

It's now been over three months since the car accident, and I'm FINALLY beginning to feel "all better". I still tire but not as easily, and if I sit down and read the paper or watch TV for 1/2 hour I'm ready to get back at it again. This is after doing some rather heavy physical exertion, like hoeing my large and rapidly getting weedy garden. I can stay awake all day and I'm not sore the next day, I can again do something with some rather heavy physical exertion. Heck I even bathed all five dogs and groomed them one day! After all this influx of family leaves (mid-June) I think I can once again begin my physical exercise regimen which I sorely need. YAY!
I am noticing I'm not the same mentally which bothers me. I've never been quick on my feet mentally but now sometimes I'm struggling while talking to someone, forgetting a word or occasionally being unable to finish a sentence. It doesn't happen a lot but when it does it's embarassing. I've been told this too will pass my brain got injured too but jeepers I hate it when it happens.
Since we've had so many guests and the home life is chaotic Moto's "lessons" right now are learning to deal with kids, babies, other dogs, other people, and a non-schedule. All the other dogs are doing quite well and Moto being such a laid-back guy is easily adapting. We have a 4-day Obedience Camp end of July and I cannot wait to bring him. If Blitz is feeling up to it he'll come along too, just to get out and experience life.
Blitz has never recovered from that weird gait, so I think that's going to be part of his new normal. In spite of the aggressive round of medicine his eating still is taking quite awhile also. He still is the happiest little dog on Earth and is slipping slowly away with a smile. I have no idea how long he has - the vet can't even venture a guess - but Blitz makes a point of enjoying every moment he has and for that I am grateful.

A few Bright Spots

It's been a roller-coaster weekend, but the good part of a roller coaster is it goes UP as well as DOWN. The visit to the specialist didn't tell me much new, just that Blitz has some weird infection that we don't know the origin of, how to prevent it or really to treat it. Blitz was put on a powerful steroid, an antibiotic and some pain meds. A thorough exam revealed what I already know, and that is that the DM is making headway. The difference here is Blitz typically bounces back quickly and quite strongly and that isn't happening this time. If anything he is a bit worse. It's now Sunday morning and we awoke to find his left rear foot bleeding. It's strange because there is no one point of origin - it seems to be just coming through his pores. The bald spots on his legs also seem to be oozing blood. I soaked him in Epsom salts as this seems to provide comfort and while he doesn't exhibit pain he isn't his usual energetic self. I feel as if he's taken yet another step away from me. If he is the same or worse on Monday I'm making an appointment with our regular vet to get a second opinion on this current state. Our specialist is mystified by his strange afflictions as none of this is typical of DM. So perhaps our regular vet can provide some insight.
The other "down" side of this weekend is Shiloh's litter-mate, Lacey, was given a hearing test and discovered to be stone deaf. Shiloh is also profoundly deaf but after hearing these results, it seems as if Shiloh and Lacey are doing brilliant compensation for the level of deafness they actually have. I'm thinking they can sense certain soundwaves and have learned to respond to them. No matter what, they are deaf at a young age and it appears hereditary so I will have to keep a close eye on Moto. This is the end of a lovely breeding program that produced 5 champions out of a litter of 6 pups. It is sad and tragic.
But now for the "up" parts: I brought Moto to the Sheltie specialty on Friday to help distract me from my sadness of not having Blitz compete. The weather was horriffic and only 1 obedience dog and 1 rally dog showed up. The 1 obedience dog was in novice, qualified, so they got HIT. It was a club member and her dog was lovely so that was great to see. The rally dog was in excellent and so an Honor Dog was needed. I volunteered Moto, although I didn't know the first thing about Rally. The Honor Dog was to do a down-stay and remain down while the other dog ran the course. Then, we were to trade spots and then Moto had to do the Excellent course! ACK! The judge walked me through and explained what the signs meant. What a learning experience! Moto did his down-stay perfectly and then we were off on the Rally Excellent course. Moto did all the exercises perfectly and I even managed to follow directions correctly! We received lots of compliments on his great attitude and what a sense of fun he showed. Perfect! I was very proud of my Boo-Boo-Bear (his nickname).
We drove home through some terrifying weather - blinding rain, hail and funnel clouds. This was my first long drive and I managed to hold it together and arrive home safe and sound. Big accomplishment. Yay me!
On Saturday I returned to the show site to cheer on Obedience friend Kathy and watch Blitz's breeders Bill, Bob & Marla compete with their promising new puppy in the conformation ring. Kathy went HIT and H/C with 199's in both classes. An amazing accomplishment but typical for her-she is such an inspiration! Then the best part: after the tragedy of Blitz, this lovely young pup strutted his stuff and won the 9-12 mo puppy class. Went in the winner's class for Winner's Dog. He won! It was a 4-point major. Marla and I screamed, hugged and cried. These are good people who so deserve this after all they have been through. That made my whole day. This pup has a promising career ahead of him and to watch these good people's dreams finally being realized brings me so much happiness.
The wonderful day was ended with lunch with Kathy and friend Dee and a lot of laughter. It's days like that, that sustain me through difficult times.

Moving Through

Tomorrow Blitz and I will go see the specialist. I'm very anxious to hear what he has to say. I think topically he has some sort of infection but my worry is that this disease is making its unfortunate progress. There's been a change in Blitz that I don't like - that sparkle in his eyes is no longer there. Hopefully with the proper medication it will come back, but I have a gnawing feeling in my gut that it won't. Always before in spite of whatever condition was racking his body he was upbeat and spirited. Now, it seems he is leaving me. It's like watching a brightly burning fire slowly dim and it is very upsetting. Yesterday it took 1/2 hour for him to eat his bone (raw, not cooked, same as he's had since puppyhood). He is periodically "drooly" with a long string of spit coming from his mouth. It is hearbreaking and takes all my energy to remain upbeat while I'm around him. Don't want Blitz or the other dogs to see my sadness. But this morning in the shower I had a good cry and now am ready to face the day.
Yesterday was fun as friend and breeder Elizabeth came over with Moto's littermate Belle. We had a good visit and Blitz, Moto and Belle had a nice romp together which was heartwarming.
So for now I'll move through today which is incredibly busy and get to the specialist tomorrow morning. So glad it's in the morning so no waiting involved.

Decision Time

Yesterday (Mother's Day) was not the Hallmark Holiday it should have been. I sure hope this blog is more upbeat in the future, but for now I just need to let my emotions out in this venue.
Poor Moto. It was his first birthday and should have been a time for celebration, but Blitz's illness and my pain just hit me extremely hard. I had a nasty case of depression, and decided to just go with it, embrace it, and hopefully move beyond it. I spent Mother's day huddled on the bed, watching movies, crying occasionally. Erik was an absolute sweetheart and cooked dinner and did the dishes. In an effort to cheer me up he even went out and brought back a box of chocolates. Oh yes I certainly did appreciate them but I just couldn't smile and was too sad to eat them, or any food for that matter.
Today was a busy work day and I'm glad for that. Was on the move from the time I got up until now. Did have a 2 hour window of free time and I seized that to take Blitz out to a small strip mall and see if he could work. I told the Universe I'd listen to what they had to say and I'd abide by what would happen during our brief training session. I used it as if we were entering a show ring. We did some quick upbeat warm-ups, a bit of quick play and he was looking good. We "entered the ring" and the first half of the Novice heeling pattern was great. Then, he began to flag. It all went downhill from there. It's so odd to watch - it's as if his spirit leaves his body. He simply isn't there any more. To watch this happen breaks my heart in a way it's never been broken before. I knew when I signed up for the show this Friday this could happen, but it hit me hard just the same. I don't let Blitz see me sad and we play and I reward him as if he won Eukanuba and we went home.
But now, sitting alone in the evening at my computer my heart is just torn up. I will withdraw him from the show. We won't give up though as that is not Blitz's character. We see the specialist next week and we'll see what he says. He may come back yet again. And if he does, we'll try again. That is what Blitz would want me to do. I need to focus on that or I will lose myself in sadness.
And, I'm so grateful to have Moto. He's a big lover of a dog who loves physical contact and I can just hug him and hold him and he smiles a big smile and pants and gives kisses. Don't know what i'd do without him during this time.
To make it up, we're having a small birthday party for Moto and Belle tomorrow. This will help lift my spirits and remember the good things that are happening in my life. And, I'll see the chiropractor for my pain.
Getting through the Sheltie specialty will be hard but I can do it. I may bring Moto for strength.

Accepting What Is

Just came back from judging the novice ring of an obedience sho n go. We had a large entry (21) which was great - lots of noise and distractions. Novice started at 1:00 so I put Blitz in last so he'd be in around 3:00, which will be the start time of our debut this coming Friday. This gave him time to acclimate to his surroundings. I opted not to give him a long warm-up so as not to drain his energy. I don't know if that was the mistake or he is not feeling well, but it was an unimpressive novice run. He didn't pay good attention and worst of all, his little prance was not there. The "umf" was gone. That just isn't very fun. After heeling I played with him between set-ups going into figure 8 and he rallied a bit for that. More play and a fine stand for exam. More play. The heel free (which I used a thin string for precision) was a bit better but he just had trouble focusing. On the recall there was quite a bit of noise and he didn't react when I called him. I went up, collar-popped him and said "come!", praised and released and we did it again with a nice recall and finish. Oh, dear. Long sit was fine. Long down, his right rear leg did some very odd movements but he held his down.
After I finished judging, we did the recall again and again, he did not come. Another collar-pop. Then he came. I did a bit of heeling and it was apparent that he was very tired.
At night-time meal he took longer than usual to eat and struggled a bit with his kibble. So, I think we are having another downturn. Time to return to the specialist for a recheck.
But for now, I have to realize we can show - he really does want to work - but not to expect much. I will crate rest him on Thursday and Friday morning. After Friday, and a visit to the specialist we will take it from there. Very difficult to see what could have been, and what we will be in the ring this Friday. Again I wonder - is this really worth it? We will play this up to the minute. If he is this lackluster on Friday, I will pull him. If he's not enjoying himself, then there's just no point in it. And that is What is. And I need to accept it.

Living a Lifetime in One Week

My life changed in an instant with my horriffic car accident, and it changed again, just as I was going back to "normal" life. A few weeks back I was rejoicing in the birth of my grandson. Earlier this week I received a phone call that could have changed my life: he had been ill with the flu, then my daughter said he had stopped eating and was becoming limp and unresponsive. He was promptly admitted to the hospital, then ICU. He was having apnea or mild seizures. It was terrifying and my heart was breaking for my daughter as things hung in the balance. Did I dare fly out there or should I wait? Everything depended on her making that decision. Tests were done but nothing could be found out. A general round of antibiotics was giving as a broad brush treatment. Baby Caiden began responding. Last night he was released from the hospital with an apnea monitor. My daughter needs to disinfect the entire house as his immune system is very fragile for whatever reason. But this again brought to the forefront of how fragile life is and we should take nothing for granted. So, we are going back to normal and being very glad for that.
Last weekend I attended an obedience seminar. I picked up many good new tools and realized I have quite a few holes in my training. Poor Blitz has the most training holes. With Moto we are still in foundation building mode so I can quickly plug in what is missing. I know I've mentioned he doesn't understand where front is and the "sheltie bonk". Got some tips on how to fix that and he is responding very nicely. Also more lovely heads-up heeling tips. It's interesting to note that from the first few minutes of the seminar I realized that this would be a person I didn't want to get to know better. Not that she's a bad person, just not someone I would click with. So while I did manage to pick up some good tools, I'll never go back to her for another seminar.
Blitz's debut in Novice is next Friday. IF he qualifies (we're having some sit-stay problems) from the performances I am getting I would score us in the mid-180's low 190's. His rear is giving him problems and I can tell he is really working the sit and the down is uncomfortable. As my friend Laurie reminded me: I should just enjoy the moment as he defied the odds just getting into the ring. If he NQ's remember that he tried his very hardest. This brave little boy always gives the very best he can.