Fragile Thoughts

I've been meaning to write this for quite awhile, but never got around to it. Today seemed to be a good Round Tuit day, so here it is:
After the car accident I battled deep depression for quite awhile. So long in fact, I can say it's really only been a month or two that the cobwebs seemed to have almost entirely disappeared. You'd think I'd be jumping for joy that I survived the accident and got to keep all body parts working, but the fact is I had a black cloud hanging over me for a very long time.
It was extremely difficult going out in public for some reason. Just trying to be normal was very hard. My first trip "out" was an expedition to the grocery store - a nice safe place to act normal - and I love grocery shopping.
While going down one of the aisles a lady and her cart were coming from the opposite end. We both tried to maneuver our carts out of the other's way, but kept going in the same direction. I smiled at her and said "shall we dance?" to which she scowled and said "oh for God's sake!!!" slammed her cart the other direction and stomped away.
In mentally healthier times I would have thought "what a b*tch!" or said so to her, but in my current state it absolutely crushed me. I fought tears off the rest of the shopping trip, and the rest of the day.
Now I'm sure this lady was having a really bad day, was in a tremendous hurry, or a plethora of other reasons that brought on such an outburst. But since that day it's caused me to think how one person's actions can cause a chain reactions of other things that affect a lot of other people.
For instance, that day when I came home I was too depressed to do anything after that. I went to bed at 3:00 in the afternoon and left my husband to forage on his own for dinner. Had I been really unstable, it might have even caused a bigger reaction from me, as during that time I toyed with shooting myself just to make the mental pain go away. Thankfully I never got that far.
Did she think about her outburst after it happened? I really doubt it. She probably just went on with her day.
I remember my cousin making an eloquent post to an e-group shortly after 9/11. She lived in New Jersey at the time and could see the smoke of destruction from her home. Her message spoke of being extra patient and extra kind to the people we dealt with in our everyday lives - from the person to makes our coffee-to-go, to waving someone ahead who is waiting to merge into a line of cars, that sort of thing. Of making eye contact and saying "Thank You" with a smile.
I think what my cousin said back in those awful first few days applies to all of us every day of our lives. So please, when you go about your business and find your nerves on edge, please try to reign in unkind words and replace with a patient smile.
You never know the chain of events that could affect a lot of other people. You could even save someone's life with a smile. I'm going to take my cousin's words to heart and apply this to myself. I hope that I can make someone's life just a tiny bit better by perhaps just saying Thank You.

Backchaining

So today was a crazy day but I managed to find a few moments to train Moto. Since it was only a few moments, and since attention was the problem, that was our focus. I littered the living room with his favorite toys, put the dogs outside, who could look in on us training and they would bark like crazy, and I hoped this would be good enough to cause him to lose attention focus.
It worked.
Plus, we walked slowly to keep things precise. I think the big mistake - and it's my constant error - is that I go too far, too fast, and without a good foundation these problems arise. Once it was perfectly clear what I wanted, and with slow heeling I was able to nip problems before they got too big, we had a good session. I hope to find time to do this a few times a day.
But on top of the 2 jobs, let's not forget Blitz's wound which needs dressing 2X day, and Shiloh's physical therapy, also 2X day. I am a busy and tired woman.
But - mission accomplished today. All dogs crashed out so we'll be hitting bedtime soon.
Which leads to - for me - something that always makes me smile: bedtime cookies. The treats are handed out in the order they arrived at the Eisen household: Dusty, Shiloh, Daisy, Blitz, Moto. Each needs to sit and be patient until they are handed their cookie. All are very good - getting a Bedtime Cookie is serious business. And then, the sound of five dogs munching their cookies, that crunch....crunch....crunch sound is to me a heartwarming sound. Up comes Dusty onto the bed and he snuggles into my side as he has done for nearly 15 years now. And, another ordinary day comes to an end.
What a blessing!

Seasoning

'Tis the season of seasoning, weather permitting. Moto went back to his class after several weeks off due to bad weather. Hoo boy, our lack of training showed up big-time. This is a dog who can work beautifully when there are no distractions, but throw in a few dogs, a blasting heater, and the occasional "bang!" of a thrown dumbbell or dropped board from a jump and you have one distracted Moto.
I know he can do Rally Novice, no problem, but can he do Rally Novice the way I want him to? At this point I don't think so. Moto can complete all the exercises required but I want more. I want him to give me attention the entire time. I want it to look like - as Melinda so beautifully put it - like dressage with a dog. When we have that picture, he will be ready for the REAL Novice ring.
But, that requires seasoning. We need to get out about about and I need to ask him for attention in different situations. My challenge is this danged weather! For instance - I have to work late tonight, and it's 22 out. Snow is looming on the horizon. So, please wish me luck in attaining my goal.
If not, well, I guess I have a good excuse, if you'll let me use it! :-)

Having a Blast!

Today was the first sunny day in January (what IS that bright yellow orb in the sky? Oh, it's the sun!) and the vast majority of the snow is GONE! I am a snow lover but enough is enough already. Our backyard is still a mud hole but the weather was good enough for me to make the 45 minute drive to our dog training club for some Open and Utility work. It's been several weeks since Moto has seen a jump, done go-outs and I was thrilled that he drove over the jumps very nicely. Our old "he's looking at you" problem while going over the broad jump has returned unfortunately so we'll be backchaining....again. There were 3 other teams there so we also got to work distraction training.
I'm patting myself on the back for making it a fun and dynamic hour of work, and I was thrilled to see Moto's eyes still bright with fun when we ended our session. Yes oh yes we need LOTS of work but the teamwork part is coming nicely into play as a result of all our cooped-up-together time. All that Doodling is paying off big time with lovely setups and pivots.
So we're back home and my mind is just racing with all the fun things we can work on....provided we can go outside!

Articles Part Deux

After one night of virtually no sleep after the awful news, I awoke this morning, looked at the clock and realized it was 5:00 a.m. I'd gone to sleep at 9:30 and slept through the night! That's the first time in well over a year. Between Dusty's semi-incontinence, Daisy's compulsive paw-licking (only at night mind you and it's LOUD), Erik's snoring and Shiloh's attempts to jump onto the bed throughout the night, well, you can see there's a lot of interruptions. One particularly bad night I was awakened about 8 times. So really, I get about 3 hours of sleep/night.
Anyway, I felt GREAT! It's amazing what a bit of sleep can do. I worked out on the Wii Fit (it said I was a Body builder today as opposed to it's usual calling me an old lady), got all morning chores out of the way and had a nice chunk of time to train Moto.
So, we went back to where we left off with the articles, only this time I started with leather. He wasn't sure at first but boy when this dog gets it, he really gets it. Once he realized a correct article could be metal OR leather he didn't miss a beat no matter where I put it. And that "silence means you are right" is working out great. I've made it into a bit of a game where he comes back and presents the article and I'm smiling like the Cheshire cat at him. Let the anticipation build, then I take it and a BIG release, excited praise and a cookie to top it all off. He's always very pleased with himself and it's very cute.
We then worked on about-turns as he's not wrapping as tight as I'd like, which of course lead to more doodling.
The weather should be nicer next week so I hope I can get him out a bit to try out his attention in new surroundings. I really would like to show him in Rally Novice in March so I need to step up my game.

They Didn't Get It All

Those are the words my sobbing mother delivered to me last night after my brother-in-law's surgery. It comes as a punch to the stomach. We were told by the Dr's that they could easily get it all and, with a short treatment of Interferon, all should be OK. What we've learned is the tumor was far larger than they expected and had grown to the point where they could not get it all.
He could be OK for a few years, or could be gone in a few months. We are waiting to learn more as to a course of treatment and a prognosis later on this week.
So if you can, please think of Barry, my brother in law and say a prayer, and for my sister, Barry's parents and his sister.
I'm still hoping for some positive news.

Articles

My latest issue of Front & Finish has finally been read cover-to-cover (CONGRATULATIONS Laurie on being the #1 Obedience dog!).
One item really caught my interest and that was Laura's article on scent discrimination. She is of the theory in teaching articles that "silence means you are right", which sounded pretty interesting. Since Moto is soft and worries about being right I felt this teaching may be appropriate for him. And since I haven't been at teaching articles for awhile it might not be too late to start over.
So yesterday we gave it a try.
I backchained alll the way back to just having one article out and grinning broadly when he picked it up. Once he presents the article we have a big release, praise and treats. He really enjoyed the game.
My problem is I got too greedy and progressed too far too fast and ran into a snag when I reintroduced the leather article. So I just made sure he knew to get it and bring it back and called it a day. We'll go back at it today, starting with leather. I like this theory and will stick with it - given Moto's temperament this should work out great.
We also had a fun match on Sunday and my goal was to ask for attention. In Open we did the"A" pattern since we aren't yet into the conditioning phase and it was a bit of a struggle, particularly during the figure 8. It was a loud and noisy sho n go - perfect for getting him used to a real show. The highlight of the run was when the "judge" (who owns a BC) said "Wow! A Sheltie who runs out AND back to retrieve the dumbbell! I've never seen that!" We hung out for Novice and it was a lot quieter so I had much better attention. It wasn't picture-perfect, not near show-ready, but then again we haven't been able to get out due to the weather. When will this winter EVER end?

RELIEF

I got the call I was so hoping to hear....my sister saying "it's going to be OK." It's not a walk in the park, but the good news is the cancer has not spread to his organs. It looks operable. There is still one suspicious tumor on his spine but it looks like it too can be removed. Next step is surgery (still to be scheduled) followed by treatments of Interferon as opposed to chemo. All good news. Now, we can all focus on getting this nasty chapter behind us and going back to precious Normal.....
Funny how I magically had energy so I trained Moto. We still can't train outside - too cold and icy and snowy - so we heeled indoors and worked attention, pivots, fronts, finishes. At home with no distractions he's looking pretty good and does seem to understand where he should be while heeling and giving a front.
We have an obedience fun match tomorrow. This time I will ask for attention.
So nice to be talking about regular things again.
More later.

Trying not to panic

We are now in the countdown hours until we get the "verdict" from the doctors, which will be at 2:30 Midwest time tomorrow. All tests are done and now all we can do is just wait. It's easy on my part, and even then, I'm fighting off panic attacks. I can only imagine what is going through my brother-in-law's mind and my sister. Is it good news or bad news? Well, none of it will be good. We know the cancer has spread. We just don't know how far or how bad. Is there going to be a hopeful prognosis or a "get your affairs in order" talk? How terrifying. By this time tomorrow, we will all know and then we can make some sort of plans according to whatever the doctor says.
I worry for my brother in law, of course. He's been my brother-in-law for almost 30 years. He's a good guy. I worry mostly for my sister as we're extremely close and always have been. And I'm far away from her and this is making me insane. I worry for my brother-in-law's parents. I would not want to be in their shoes. No parent - regardless of their child's age - should be put in this position.
Maybe a sleeping pill is in order tonight as I need to be insanely busy with something or my mind just goes back to this awful subject.
Think positive and if you feel inclined, please pray. We'll take every "good vibration" we can get.

A little levity, please!

I think this has been the longest time away from this blog. I created this in order to track my training with Moto, and, well, there hasn't been a whole lot of that. I found out my brother-in-law has cancer, we have yet to determine the severity of it and his prognosis or the course of his treatment, but it's really really scary. A mass is in his chest and it was determined it was cancer. Anything inside your body cavity that is cancerous is very scary. My sister is dealing with it by crying a lot, and her friends have rallied round her which is great. I'm far away and feel helpless and have been really pissed off I guess. Poor hubby, I just blow up at little things and then apologize.
Shiloh has always been a jumping fanatic - it's in his lineage - but since he's been deaf he's attempted amazing jumps and I've found him on top of the darndest things. Like, the washing machine. The crates. He's leapt over the ex-pen enclosure in the basement. He'll be 10 in June so while he's not OLD old, he's no spring chicken, and he injured his spine and lost partial use of his left rear leg. This requires physical therapy twice a week. He's making good progress and he'll be fine over time, I'll just need to crate him whenever I leave the house from this point forward.
Blitz has re-opened an old nasty wound he had. It took a long time to heal, and for whatever reason it is back. I've always feared the infections would get him before the disease did. So, I need to dress and bandage his leg twice a day. While he still has a great attitude, I can tell that he's slipped away from me a bit more.
So....needless to say I've not had a great sense of humor these days, and while I love the snow, it's been a brutal winter with terrifying driving conditions so lots of time at home. I should have used it to train, but I just haven't had the heart. I've done some here and there but not a lot.
It's supposed to warm up tomorrow, and we're to have a few days above freezing. I'm looking foward to getting out a bit, training Moto and getting my mind off all these troubles.
Yes, oh yes it could be worse but it certainly could be better.
I hope in my brother in law's case, it gets better. And soon.

The Deep Freeze

We are experiencing history-making snowfall and cold in this part of the world. I'm absolutely loving it, since I don't have to work outside, and can choose to go outside when I want and retire to a nice warm home which I am very grateful for. The Shelties - much to my surprise - are enjoying this snow as much as I am, hence this video. Dusty will turn 15 in a few weeks and here he is just having a good roll in the snow. Of all five dogs Moto loves the snow the best and even when it's in negative territory I have to call him in from a good romp. I can say I am truly a "winter person" and enjoy the snow and the cold much better than the heat of summer. I'll blog more about dog training later -just wanted to share this cute video of my sweet Dusty!