Still Processing

My sister is more like a twin than a baby sister. I think it is because we are only 15 months apart. We fought like crazy growing up, but that changed when we became teen-agers. Since that time in our lives, we've been extremely close - best friends, inseparable. We talk every single day via email.
With all the sadness lately I noticed another sidebar of our closeness: I can "feel" her, all these miles away. It's enabled me to call her when I know she needs me, and I could fly there at her darkest hour.
The sadness was overwhelming yesterday and is literally crushing me today. I'm a poor record-keeper when it comes to landmark events, but she shared over our email conversations that this is the weekend of their 34th anniversary.
Well no wonder the sadness.
She is off with friends to Pismo beach, God bless them. She does everything right to deal with her grief.
I awoke to the haunting images of Barry's final days and realize that I'm still processing this, too.
The car accident has been dealt with emotionally, and I *think* I've dealt with losing my beloved uncle.
But losing Barry hasn't been fully processed.
It's interesting the way the mind turns things over, like holding a trinket in your hand, turning it over and over, observing every tiny detail with your fingers and your mind until your hand and mind know every single thing about it. Then, and only then, can it be put down.
So it is with Barry's passing.
Maybe it's because I was so busy protecting and helping my sister. But it seems that now I need to deal with my own loss...my brother-in-law of 33 years.
She will be here in a few weeks. I cannot wait. My daughter will join us too. We need to be together.
It will be good to hear for myself, with no agenda or time constraints, how she is doing. And hear how she is processing her loss.
Meantime, prayer and meditation will help me when the night falls.
That is the only way to help me move through this, until she gets here.