A Day in the Life of a Welcome Wagon Lady

Along with my duties as a Chamber of Commerce director, I am also the town's Welcome Wagon lady. It's fun for the most part and has taught me how to turn cold calling into a successful meeting.
Back in the Good Old Days, I could call information and get new resident's phone numbers, call and make an appointment to come welcome them and give them gifts. However in these days of cell phones I must drop in on folks unexpectedly with my basket of goodies. Again, 99% of the time it is successful, and if no one is home I leave a card behind, explaining who I am, I'm not selling anything, and call me and I'll come by with gifts.
I'm in a small town, which means sometimes I drive to really, really remote areas. This weekend included one of those difficult-to-reach homes. It was a large,beautiful home and I was hoping the person would be inside so I could, along with welcoming them, glance around for decorating ideas.
A large German Shepherd appeared. This happens frequently as most homes don't have fences in this part of the country. I try to assess if the dog is friendly and whether or not it is safe to get out of my car. Not only is this dog friendly, he appears delighted to have company. So I open my door.
OH NO!! He's WAY too friendly. He leaps into my car, tail wagging frantically, covering my steering wheel and the side of my face with slobber. I quickly exit the vehicle and now he's even happier, leaping and bounding off my body, leaving scratches from his long nails as I shove him off me. I try to walk to the front door....when all of a sudden...OH NO!!! An enormous, well-fed Lab appears, equally as delighted to have company. Now I'm fending off two jumping, covering-me-with-slobber dogs. I quickly look to the house. No lights are on, no one is coming to help me. I decide to cut my losses, nix leaving a card as I'll never make it to the front door and, fending rapid-fire enormous tongued kisses head back to the car. OH NO!!! The German Shepherd is back inside my car. Noooooooo! I grab a rock from the driveway and pretend it is a ball, the funnest ball in the world and I have it. I have his attention and the Lab's attention. I throw it and say "get it!!!" and they fall for my ruse. I'm in that car in a flash and backed out so quick their heads are spinning. They are sad to see me depart and are jumping on the back of the car. Finally they see I'm not coming back and trot back to their home.
I assess the damage. I have so much slobber my clothes look like they are covered with giant snail tracks. My hands are covered with scratches. I'm no longer fit to welcome other folks as I might frighten them with my appearance.
Home I go, for a shower and change.
Just another day in the life of a Welcome Wagon lady.