Sometimes It's Just Hard

I apologize in advance as this is not going to be the happiest post. The header pretty much says it all. I find it harder and harder to put on a brave face, go out into my life and do normal life things while my brother-in-law Barry continues to decline. The emails from my sister are breaking my heart. I'm over 1,000 miles away and feeling helpless. Of course she can call any time and I've told her when she needs me I'll come...but still there is really nothing I can do to ease her pain or take Barry's cancer away. There is another clinical trial he is eligible for, but there are no spots available. Janice is frantically searching everywhere in the US to no avail. Meantime Barry continues to decline. He's only 54. It's not fair.
It's a sad, frightening time for my family. We have circled the wagons and surrounded them with love and support. Their church is bringing them meals and lending a hand with the household duties.
My stomach is in a continual knot and I have a permanent lump in my throat from holding back a good cry. I pray with every breath. All we can do is wait and hope that somehow this will all turn around and there will come a time we can look back on this and say "wow, that was a bad time. But we're all better now!" I am looking forward to sitting on the porch with my sister and saying that.
Until then, my family is in constant touch with each other, holding hands virtually, and walking through this long dark tunnel together looking for the light.
It's getting late and I must get ready for work. It's time to put that face back on. But sometimes it's just hard.